Bitch-slap legal bullies everywhere by boycotting Monster energy drink

Having myself been on the receiving end of a “nuisance lawsuit”, my heart goes out to Matt Nadeau, the owner of a small microbrewery called Rock Art in rural Vermont.

He has been threatened with litigation by Monster Energy Drink (via Chris Day of Knobbe Martens Olsen & Bear LLP) who claim that his “Vermonster” microbrew beer infringes on their trademark. They are insisting he immediately remove the brand from stores and bars along with all marketing material. The way this type of lawsuit plays out in court is the party with the deepest pockets wins – no matter who is right. Hansen Beverage Co of California is a billion dollar corporation. Rock Art are seven people.

I admire Matt for not caving in to the bullying. The Consumerist cites another example of Hansen Beverage and their IP protection firm Continental Enterprises, threatening actor Trgve Lode who often plays monsters in the movies. His story seems a bit far-fetched but it got me onto Continental Enterprises web site. I was surprised by what I found. Continental Enterprises boasts “We use non-traditional strategies to combat infringers” I think the problem is that firms like Continental Enterprises are using strategies that are all-too traditional. Legal bullying and frivolous litigation by fat cats have become a part of the American business tradition because business and their lawyers could get away with it. Those days are gone. And its time that tradition stopped. I hope Hansen are taught this lesson by way of an internet shit storm that sullies their brands in ways that boggle their Web 1.0 minds.

Listen to Matt Nadeau tell the story in his own words. And, PLEASE, spread the word about this. This David will only beat Goliath if we all spread the word about this like crazy. It is a precident that will protect us all from legal abuse by our own Goliaths in the future.

Twitter hashtages for this are: #boycottmonster and #monsterboycott.

About Continental Enterprises: The cease and desist letter posted on Rock Art’s website was from the IP law firm Knobbe Martens Olsen & Bear LLP. But in the course of investigatign this post, I came across Continental Enterprise’s site and found it enlightening with regard to how foolish litigation gets started in the first place.

This firm’s mentality seems to be an ideologic mix between RAMBO and Bin Laden. Take for example their mission: “To ensure that those who attempt to steal from our clients are left to wonder when, where and how we will strike next.” (WTF)

They claim to use the law to their advantage even when infringement is not clear to “to effectively disrupt infringers’ business and protect our clients’ publicity rights.”

Travelers called, they'd like their umbrella back.

They pride themselves in taking “novel and aggressive approach to brand protection and infringement issues. We understand that traditional litigation-focused strategies are not always a practical solution.” They go on to describe their tactics: “Asymmetrical warfare is at the heart of the non-traditional strategies we use to combat infringers”

Think about that. They say that traditional litigation (within the law) is not always the way to go. So they step outside and engage in “Asymmetrical warfare”. Guess what “Asymmetrical warfare” is? TERRORISM. Just what America needs more of.

This isn’t about Continental Enterprises as such: Its about a legal system and corporate mentality where a company that proports to protect brands could print this type of aggressive sales pitch and still find clients willing to hire them. I don’t think being prickly and aggressive works anymore. Sounds more like a formula for brand-repellant to me.

And while we on the topic of Trade Dress Protection, do you think The Travelers Insurance Company would approve of Continental Enterprise’s umbrella and slogan?

Blog Action Day: The History of Global Warming

It all started in Sweden exactly 101 years before the Kyoto Protocol was signed. Svante Arrhenius, a Swedish physicist, first postulated the theory of the greenhouse effect in 1896. By the turn of the century (1900) it had achieved widespread acceptance among scientists. The theory was then forgotten for the next 70 years until Kenny Rogers rediscovered the absorption capacity of carbon dioxide and wrote a songe about it.

This got some scientists thinking. Thirty years later in 1990 the UN’s climate panel (IPCC) reported that there was a real risk that human activities – especially the consumption of coal, oil and gas – could affect the earth’s environment to a hitherto unseen and potentially very serious extent. “The earth’s future is in danger” was the message.

This got politicians thinking. Two years later in June 1992 heads of state and representatives from 172 governments met in Rio de Janeiro to talk about the problem. They have been talking ever since.

a.k.a. Global Warming for Dummies

The public got behind the theory in 2004 when Roland Emmerich abandoned scientific reasoning all together and depicted New York City being engulfed by the sea in a preposterous meteorologic maelstrom. It worked. People finally understood what Svante Arrhenius was getting at. Soon after, every corporation on Earth began to invest in massive greenwashing campaigns to save their stock from the ravishes of climate change. So far, that hasn’t helped much.

113 years after they discovered CO2 emissions would annihilate all human life, our politicians continue to jaw about global warming and to pump 7 billion tons of carbon into the atmosphere each year (over 13,000 tons a minute). They will meet again in Copenhagen this December at an event called COP15, to talk some more.

Which brings us to Blog Action Day 2009 and the prophets, Zager and Evans. If something significant does not come out of COP15, if our politicians continue to add to oral CO2 emissions with 113 more years of pointless debate then our ancestors will surely find themselvs on a planet we would not recognize were it not for the insights provided by the 2525 prophesy.

Hope is not a plan. Seal the deal this December.

Hockey with a new twist

I played hockey in Boston when I was 9 too – but not like this. Watch Oliver Wahlstrom and count the days until he’s old enough to play in the NHL.

For details see Puck Daddy.

How to drive drunk in Sweden (with impunity)

The Swedish legal system never ceases to amaze and amuse. Case in point from today’s paper: Witnesses see a man swerving all aver the road in Lund,  Sweden. They call the police and follow him. He stops. The police arrive. They go to question him. He is so drunk that he falls to the ground. His blood alcohol level is off the charts. He is cited for drunk driving. When he gets to court he says that in the few minutes between when he stopped the car and when he was arrested he drank a half liter of hard alcohol thus explaining his inebriation. The court accepted this and cleared him of all charges.

So here’s my tip: If you want to drive drunk in Sweden and get away with it simply keep a fifth of bourbon in your glove compartment. When the police signal to pull you over (or if you roll up to a road block) calmly stop the car, turn off the ignition, open the glove compartment, take out your bottle and, with the officer as your witness, swill down the entire contents of the bottle before they can administer the breathalyser. Then get out of the car and walk away. If they question you tell them you were sober when you stopped the car. Evidently, they will believe you. The most they will be able to get you for is a parking violation.

I think someone should have administered a breathalyser test on the judge who made the ruling.

In memoriam

Source: http://www.djibnet.com

Compassion for the Lockerbie bomber?

Welcome home to Abdel Basset al-Megrahi who was reunited with his family and friends in Tripoli today! I was relieved to see that the Scottish government chartered a jumbo jet to securely fly him home to his native Libia with all the comforts and security of a visiting dignitary.

Convicted Lockerbie bomber Abdel Basset al-Megrahi

The man was accused and convicted by a Scottish court of planting a bomb aboard PANAM flight 103. Four days before Christmas in December 1988 the bomb exploded inside the jet. It killed 259 people on the aircraft and another 11 people on the ground in Lockerbie Scotland.

The judge said that since Abdel has prostate cancer he should be allowed to return to Libia so he can die in the comfort of his own home surrounded by his loved ones. The grounds cited were “compassionate grounds”.

Symbol of Scottish compassion

Nice thought. I like compassion. I really wish he has displayed the same compassion to the 270 people he killed. When your airplane is blown out of the sky with c4 concealed in a Toshiba boom-box packed into a suitcase, well, you don’t get to die at home surrounded by loved ones. You get blasted into the cold air as the plane splits apart and then, strapped into your seat, you fall though the dark night to the ground thirty thousand feet below. That takes a while. Then, of course, there are the victims who died on the ground. A slightly better death I imagine only because it was quicker.

The body of a woman found dangling from a rooftop (still strapped into her seat) in Lockerbie the morning after.

I really wish all these people had been afforded the compassion of dying at home. But since they did not: Why, exactly, is Scottish justice minister Kenny MacAskill affording this compassion to Abdel Basset al-Megrahi? As I see it the real punishment of a life sentence is the prospect and ultimate reality of dying alone in prison.

There are some who claim he is innocent and was framed. “I am delighted. I don’t think he had anything to do with it and I think he was effectively framed,” Jim Swire, whose daughter Flora died in the bombing, told Reuters. Great. Why don’t you and others like Kenny MacAskill and the former UK Labour MP Tam Dalyell, produce evidence to overturn the verdict? Why not produce the real culprits? At least compel the Scottish court to make a formal proclamation that despite his failed appeals for release, they have been holding the wrong man for 8 years. Then let him go home.

But that is not what the Scottish court did. It maintained that Abdel Basset al-Megrahi murdered 270 people and in the same breath said that serving 8 years is enough due to their compassion for the man. By the same logic someone who murders only one person in cold blood should serve 10.8 days in jail. Very compassionate for the murderer. What about the victim?

A few of those who died a less compassionate death in Lockerbie Scotland

The Lockerbie bomber has been sent home to Libya to die. I hope he succeeds. Soon. Because there is no compassion in setting a convicted murder free after 8 years of a life sentence.

What is Sarah Palin’s Higher Calling?

I’m dismayed . I hope you can help. Its about Sara Palin, the woman who just mysteriously abandoned her position as Governor of Alaska. “If I die [politically], I die” Sarah Palin told us today. What mystifies me is the word “if”.

I understand how she was catapulted into the national spotlight to start: A bull-headed politician with a history of rash decision-making throws all caution to the wind and chooses her as a running mate in a desperate attempt to spice-up his failed presidential bid. I get that.

A match made in ... haste

I can also understand why McCain’s plan backfired. Palin may have been the sexiest vice presidential candidate America had ever seen, but it was equally evident that she was also among the least qualified. Sarah Palin is, essentially, Dan Quayle with less experience and nicer legs.

Here is where it starts to get fuzzy for me. In interview after interview Palin has demonstrated her estrangement from the facts in every manner of domestic and foreign policy. The self-proclaimed “hockey mom” may have fielded questions with folksy charm, but her grasp of the issues was an insult to the mothers of young hockey players across America.

Then Obama is sworn in. McCain is quietly reabsorbed back into the Senate. And Palin becomes embroiled in legal battles over numerous violations of Alaska’s ethics code. (Ironically it was Governor Palin who fought to have the ethics bill signed into law. After it was disclosed that her own conduct was unethical, she marginalized the violations as “frivolous”. These violations were anything but frivolous when she championed them through her state’s legislature. It would seem the perspective gained while being hoisted with her own petard has changed the Governor’s view.)

Despite all this, Palin persists. Republican leaders, voters and pundits keep referring to her as the republican party’s shining star for the 2012 election. This is were I need your help.

Sarah Palin is, essentially, Dan Quayle with less experience and nicer legs.

Aside from celebrity and the MILF-factor, what does Sarah Palin have to offer that keep her in serious contention for the most intellectually and ethically demanding job in America?

Haven’t we seen enough over the past 10 months to ascertain that despite everything we may like about Sarah Palin, she’s just not up for that job?

And haven’t we seen enough in the eight preceding years to understand that it takes more than folksy homespun populist ineloquence to lead a nation?

Lastly, if we were not convinced a week ago, hasn’t her behavior over the past few days revoked her right to be taken seriously by anyone who cares about the preservation of our democracy?

First there is how she handled the announcement itself. Her decision to step down as governor was so rashly conceived that both politicians and friends were taken by surprise. Never a good idea in politics. In fact, the announcement of the press conference was handled in the same way one might announce a backyard keg party. “Palin hastily called a news conference Friday morning at her home in suburban Wasilla, giving such short notice that only a few reporters actually made it to the announcement.” (Rachael D’Oro, AP).

Second, there is the vague wording and cryptic reasoning she provided for her resignation. The people who voted her into office deserve a straight answer as to why she is abandoning their trust – sans the political double-talk and diversion tactics that plague “politics as usual”.

Third is the drama she is trying to stir up over her next move by dropping hints via Facebook and Twitter to a “higher calling”. Why not just tell people? If nothing else, she owes her constituents that much. This showboating is an insult to anyone who actually cares what she does. As for the higher calling, are we to assume she is about to enter the convent? (At least that way her legal fees would be subsidized by the Catholic Church.)

In any event, her 30-minute song and dance last Friday fell way short of the mark on every level. I interpret her inability to articulate why she is quitting the state’s highest office to mean:

• she doesn’t know
• she does know but it trying to conceal the truth
• she does know but is purposely using her position to create confusion and drama in the hope of furthering her career.

All of those alternatives are equally disturbing.

Palin the Rodeo Clown: Will the last laugh be on Sarah?

Given all this, can anyone seriously consider Sarah Palin as a candidate for President? Is celebrity and a certain MILF-factor the best credentials the republican party has to offer our political system? Or is that just the point? Perhaps the republican party is using Sarah Palin as some sort of political rodeo clown to keep us all distracted between elections so we don’t focus on the shambles that the party is in. Perhaps her job is to keep the party in the headlines until 2012 and keep the focus off people like Ensign and Sanford. Chances are she would self-destruct by the time the 2012 campaign started in earnest and then she could be sidelined so that people like Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee could take center stage.

My biggest concern is that Americans, and in particular republicans, will continue to take this woman seriously, no matter what. That hurts, because I want to believe that the days when being a plucky dolt with a homespun take on the world and marginal grip on the facts qualified you for president were over. I had hoped that was simply a phase we were going through in the 90‘s and that we, as a nation, had grown out of it with the retirement of George W. But the popularity of this plucky Alaskan dolt would seems to indicate that we never learn and that a significant percentage of our populous will always gravitate towards the dim and inarticulate for leadership.

Perhaps the real question with Palin is simply: How far can good looks and pluck take you in life? I’m hoping the answer to that question is Governor of Alaska, and no further.

The resignation speech of Sarah Palin: a deconstruction

In what can best be described as mildly coherent rambling, Sarah Palin, the Governor of Alaska, announced her resignation on July 3. During her speech, she alluded to a combination of factors that lead to her decision. Reading through the full text of her speech, I was able to extract 11 reasons that were buried deep amidst her wandering prose and tangled logic. They are paraphrased below (along with the relevant text from her speech in italics):

Gov. Sarah Palin (Photo: AP)

1. Defending myself against claims of ethics violations by political operatives is distracting me from doing my job as governor. Therefore, I resign.
“Political operatives descended on Alaska last August, digging for dirt. The ethics law I championed became their weapon of choice. Over the past nine months I’ve been accused of all sorts of frivolous ethics violations … Every one – all 15 of the ethics complaints have been dismissed. We’ve won! But it hasn’t been cheap – the State has wasted THOUSANDS of hours of YOUR time and shelled out some two million of YOUR dollars to respond to “opposition research” – that’s money NOT going to fund teachers or troopers – or safer roads.

2. Life is short. Time is too precious to waste. I am wasting my time as governor. Therefore, I resign to make better use of my time.
“Life is too short to compromise time and resources… Productive, fulfilled people determine where to put their efforts, choosing to wisely utilize precious time… to BUILD UP.”

3. I am expected to serve out the term I was elected for. But that would make me a quitter. Therefore, I am quitting because I don’t want to be a quitter.
“… it may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: “Sit down and shut up”, but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quitter’s way out. And a problem in our country today is apathy. It would be apathetic to just hunker down and “go with the flow. Nah, only dead fish “go with the flow”.”

4. I want to help people. I now realize that I don’t need the title of Governor to do that. Therefore I will do away with my superfluous title of Governor.
“I’ve never believed that I, nor anyone else, needs a title to do this – to make a difference… to HELP people. So I choose, for my State and my family, more “freedom” to progress, all the way around… so that Alaska may progress… I will not seek re-election as Governor.”

5. I have decided not to seek reelection. Lame duck governors milk the system by traveling around and neglecting their state’s politics. That is wrong. The best option once one decides not to run for reelection is to desert one’s post. Therefore, I quit.
“And so as I thought about this announcement that I wouldn’t run for re-election and what it means for Alaska, I thought about how much fun some governors have as lame ducks… travel around the state, to the Lower 48 (maybe), overseas on international trade – as so many politicians do. And then I thought – that’s what’s wrong – many just accept that lame duck status, hit the road, draw the paycheck, and “milk it”. I’m not putting Alaska through that – I promised efficiencies and effectiveness! ? That’s not how I am wired. I am not wired to operate under the same old “politics as usual.” I promised that four years ago – and I meant it. It’s not what is best for Alaska.”

6. The political environment in Alaska has turned on me. I want to take a stand. Therefore, I am resigning to take a stand against those who wish me out of office.
“My choice is to take a stand and effect change – not hit our heads against the wall and watch valuable state time and money, millions of your dollars, go down the drain in this new environment.“

7. I want to pursue my priorities for Alaska and America on a bigger scale. Being Governor is holding me back. Therefore I will quit so that I might better serve as a citizen.
” Rather, we know we can effect positive change outside government at this moment in time, on another scale, and actually make a difference for our priorities – and so we will, for Alaskans and for Americans.”

8. I am Alaska’s governor in title only. This is wasting taxpayer’s time and money. While some may endorse my charade, I oppose it. Therefore, I resign.
“Some Alaskans don’t mind wasting public dollars and state time. I do. I cannot stand here as your Governor and allow millions upon millions of our dollars go to waste just so I can hold the title of Governor.”

9. My children told me to resign, primarily because an adult said something nasty about their handicapped brother Trig. An emphatic cuss-word used by one of my kids convinced me that they were right.
“In fact, this decision comes after much consideration, and finally polling the most important people in my life – my children (where the count was unanimous… well, in response to asking: “Want me to make a positive difference and fight for ALL our children’s future from OUTSIDE the Governor’s office?” It was four “yes’s” and one “hell yeah!” The “hell yeah” sealed it – and someday I’ll talk about the details of that… I think much of it had to do with the kids seeing their baby brother Trig mocked by some pretty mean-spirited adults recently.)”

10. Even though I am opposed to governors milking the state for unnecessary travel, a recent trip I took to visit wounded soldiers in Kosovo and Landstuhl showed me that their work is of national importance and real while my work as Governor is local and superficial. Therefore I will quit because I want to do something national and real.
“My decision was also fortified during this most recent trip to Kosovo and Landstuhl, to visit our wounded soldiers overseas, those who sacrifice themselves in war for OUR freedom and security… we can ALL learn from our selfless Troops… they’re bold, they don’t give up, they take a stand and know that LIFE is short so they choose to NOT waste time. They choose to be productive and to serve something greater than SELF… and to build up their families, their states, our country. These Troops and their important missions – those are truly the worthy causes in this world and should be the public priority with time and resources and NOT this local / superficial wasteful political bloodsport.”

11. I believe “no more politics as usual” is good. Deserting my post is highly unusual. Therefore deserting my post is good. So I quit.
“I have given my reasons… no more “politics as usual” and I am taking my fight for what’s right – for Alaska – in a new direction.”

There was a twelfth reason. It was not stated explicitly by Palin the politician, but stated clearly between the lines by Palin the hockey mom. That voice said:

“The pressure of publicity brought to bear on me and my family since last August are beyond my ability to cope, no less govern. Therefore, I resign.”

Saying this would have confirmed Governor Palin’s limitations as a politician but redeemed her integrity as a human being. Had Sarah Palin the courage to make that 27-word speech then she would have been living up to her credo of “no more politics as usual”. Lacking that courage she couched her resignation waste-deep in 2,571 words of empty political rhetoric, transparent positioning and populist prattle. Politics as usual. Her constituents deserved better from her.

Video here

Ed, Michael, Farrah: Ode to a fallen star

“I fill the night
with twinkling stars
to distract me from
the certainty
that lies beyond.

When one falls
to earth
I miss its light
for in the void
I see my life.”

- Anonymous

Rest in Peace

Teen sues over star-studded face. Who’s to blame?

The antics of foolish 18-year olds are usually best forgotten. But foolish 18-year olds who blame others for their own short-sighted stupidity should be made an example of. Case in point: Kimberley Vlaminck of Courtrai, Belgium.

Starlet Kimberley Vlaminck. Photo: The Daily News © 2009 Associated Newspapers Ltd

Kim is more foolish than most and more responsible for decent peace-loving people like me pining for the days when foolish 18-year olds who tried to ruin the lives and reputations of others were not coddled by a mother-like legal system but given a swift boot in the ass by their real parents to induce some truth-telling.

According to The Mail, it all started when Kim walked into Rouslan Toumaniantz tattoo parlor. She asked for 56 stars to be tattooed on her face. There was a witness present who heard her. Rouslan obliged. Kim paid for the 56 stars and left. Then Kim got home. Her dad blew his top. Her boyfriend dumped her. After that, it dawned on Kim that perhaps she was wrong: Perhaps 56 stars etched in black on your face don’t make up for your lack of personality and self-confidence. Perhaps, just maybe, 56 stars etched in black on your face makes you look odd in a Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Baily kind of way.

Kim's too sexy for her face. Photo: The Daily Mail, © 2009 Associated Newspapers Ltd

At this point the foolish 18-year old had a choice to make. Take responsibility for her actions like an adult or blame someone else like a child. Kim opted for the latter. And the courts will indulge her at the taxpayers expense.

Kim claims that she asked for three stars then fell asleep and awoke to 56 stars. Evidently in Flemish, the words 3 and 56 are practically indistinguishable. What a crock. I have a tattoo. There is no way you fall asleep while someone is repeatedly jabbing an inked needed into your face. This isn’t a day at the spa, its a tattoo parlor. Having three stars etched into the flesh on your face would smart enough to keep a drunk sailor awake. Fifty-six? There is no way she “dozed off”. And, if she did, she must be one hell of a sound sleeper. Are we to assume that when Rouslan realized Kim was asleep he decided to spend 17 times the labor and materials and risk a law suit just for the heck of it? What would motivate him to do that? Nothing would. And that’s the point.

Rouslan Toumaniantz, Kim's tattoo artist. Photo: The Daily Mail. © Associated Newspapers Ltd.

The reason this is important is that every 18-year old screws up. That’s part of being 18. But if everyone one of them did like Kim and found an adult to blame for their stupidity, well, then none of us are safe and life as we know it will come to an end because we will all be in court defending ourselves against the fabrications of 18-year old fools.

Kimberley Vlaminck you made a mistake that you regret. I can see it written all over your face (pun intended). But pursuing this lawsuit is a worse mistake. You are about to make a choice with consequences far uglier and just as indelible as the 56 stars on your face. You are about to demonstrate to the world that you are irresponsible, have no scruples and can not be trusted. That’s a mark that surgery cannot remove. It’s not too late to change your mind, tell the truth, get on with your life and let Rouslan Toumaniantz get on with his. Do that and your tattoo will become a beauty mark.

If, on the other hand, you do pursue this then you will most likely lose your case. After that the two best outcomes I can see is that first Rouslan Toumaniantz becomes rich off the publicity you have created for his tattoo parlor as well as the lawsuit he files against you for defaming his character. And that second, after the dust settles in court, the ridiculous stars strewn across your face serve as fair waring to all other foolish 18-year olds who would follow in your regrettable footsteps.

Read more:

I’ll pay for half those star tattoos to be removed, says the man who engraved 56 on 18-year-old girl’s face

Teen falls asleep during face tattoo

Scene of the crime. Support sanity. Go here for your next tatt. Photo: The Daily Mail. © Associated Newspapers Ltd.